La, la, la, lala,ladida!

It's week three of summer school and I think we are beginning the dumbest speech ever. A sales pitch. On Friday we watched The Great Debaters, which was incredibly inspiring, bringing tears to my eyes. I pumped myself up, getting ready to start a new speech and deliver it with passion, and I find out that the next speech we'll be giving is a fucking sales pitch. Another thing that's crazy is that I actually had trouble finding a product that was $1. I settled on some Suave lotion that I already use. I hate when I feel my inspiration dwindle away because of an idea that lacks creative on my teacher's part.  Besides the upsets of today, I had a great weekend. J.S. stayed at my place the whole time. We watched movies, cooked, and napped together, which was nice. He went home Sunday morning. Amazing I didn't get sick of him like I do with most people after one day... I ususally find myself muting them in my head, but not with J.S., it might happen in the future though. I hope not, cause I hate being a bitch.

So the speech about Beauty that I was so worried about went great! I recieved a 140 out of 150. The ten points I lost was probably because I transform into "speedy Gonzales" when I have to speak for an audience. Apparently my prof Mr. B said that I had "incredible potential" and that my "intelligence shines". That made me feel good. Things are AMAZING with J.S. I literally feel like the luckiest girl! After our afternoon you-know-what, we cuddled and flipped through an old issue of Cosmo! What the fuck! And he didn't run off pissed either (a normality after revealing any Cosmo article that involves "teach him" tricks). I really feel good in all the aspects of my life. Its summer vacation, I'm taking an easy, fun class that will reward me with an awesome teacher's recommendation for Butler, my boyfriend is fucking great (literally...:), and my frontward folds are getting better. Hmm, life finally seems to be lifting me up... and it's really...hmm...how should I say this...IT'S FUCKING EPIC! 

J.S. stayed over last night so I was pretty tied up from typing anything. But I have to say I felt that feeling again the one I was talking about yesterday. Before he got out the shower his father came home with his younger brother and sister. We laughed about them coming home while he was in the shower because he wanted me to get in with him. Anyway I just hd this feeling come over me that I wanted to come home. So, he brought me home and I took a much needed nap. J.S. ended up coming over to watch some movies that he bought to watch together. We watched one of them but we ended up fooling around. The sex was needed and very much wanted on my part...( those were the longest five days of my life!!). Its fun when J.S. stays over, he is so sweet when he wakes up...I love him.  

Hi. I'm in J.S.'s room and its crazy that I'm blogging on his computer. He's taking a shower right now so I figure I get a few things out while I have nothing else to do. I can't hear the water from his room so this might be short. Anyway, last night I had another one of my mental, nervous, emotional breakdowns that freak me the fuck out. The main problem was that I couldn't figure out why I was pissed off and feeling extremely restless. J.S. spent the night, so I tried my best not to be a bitch and ruin our Friday night together. I think I did anyway though. So this morning I felt better and he was too. I made breakfast and we went to the movies. And now I'm here. Last night wasn't the first time I had one of those breakdown thingys and I wonder what really set me off. It was probably my mother calling and interrupting a steamy makeout session, but that's just me. 

Hi. Summer school began this week and I was looking forward to it. I'm taking Speech, which isn't the most boring thing, so I figure I could have some fun being out of the house and not thinking about J.S. for a few hours. I say that because even though I'm not consumed with being with J.S. I can't help but think about what he might be doing once I'm done with yoga and all clean and pretty from my morning shower. But anyway... I got an awesome teacher who is up-beat and nice, so these next four weeks probably won't be boring. Tomorrow I give me self-introductory speech so wish me some luck! There are some new events unfolding in J.S.'s and my relationship. It began while watching our favorite show Scrubs and then a conversation about what bothered us about each other unraveled. I tried and tried to get him to tell me something that I do that erks him, but he claimed that he couldn't think of anything. So of course me being a woman I didn't believe him so I kept going on and on about it...then he finally sits me down and said that he could see himself being happy with me for the rest of his life....! I used to think that I was going to have so many experiences with men, I still might cause I'm not sure whats going to happened with J.S. but I always thought that that was how it was supposed to be before you find the person your going to spend the rest of your life with...but I'm not so sure now...I'm really happy with J.S. the sex is getting better, we laugh at just about everything together, and we've both survived colds because the other made tea and ran and bought kleenex...so is it really impossible to find that person before your senior year in high school?

So, I finally got around to cleaning up my room. Not just straighten up the things on the floor, dust the only visible parts of my desk kind of cleaning but THE REAL DEAL. Everything in storage tubs that I have been hoarding like a one of those sinners from Dante's Inferno went in the trash, old newspapers to the recycle bin ( @ J.S.'s place), a beautiful vaccum job, and a thorough dusting. I sit here now at my now gracious desktop that is only slightly covered by up-to-date mail and a pear candle. Hmm...I honestly wouldn't have gotten around to it if J.S. had of lingered this morning after we woke up and took me to breakfast, lunch, and dinner like he did last time. Which hints that our relationship has taking a slight turn...for the best probably.  I think we have gotten past the cozy, tingly, new smell of our relationship and now need space from each other. Before last night we hadn't been together since Thursday...( I realize that that is only one day) but this was a couple that spent everyday of the weekend together, and since summer vacation started everyday! So, I think its nice because when I saw him amid his slight seasonal allergy attack he was, he felt like a new cozy, comfy J.S. (and yes....there were lots of kisses). When I got up after he left at around 9 I got up did my morning routine: yoga, shower, lounge-time* (that gets an asterick cause it's special) Then I preceded to strip my room of its muckiness.... 

Aujourd'hui c'est il pleut et il fait froid :( Okay so tomorrow I have an AP exam and it lasts for FOUR FUCKING HOURS!!!!! I don't think it would be so bad considering it's a Friday and I can skip all my snory boring morning classes ( I loved how that rhymed). But then again I'm being testing on my knowledge of history. That's fun right? Anyway... from my last entry I'm becoming more comfortable around J.S's friends and it feels a little better. J.S. is actually taking the effort to show/explain some of there inside jokes which is very sweet.

So I began the personal statement essay....it was fucking hard just trying to sound like your not incrediblely nervous to be writing an essay that could determine your future (entry to college) and to actually sound interesting talking about yourself...who the fuck can do that? I decided, since my university of choice gave a prompt to write about a challenge that you learned from that you plan to apply to your college experience, to write about my love of challenges. I started it in AP this afternoon and it sounds a little cheesey, but I think colleges can deal with a little bit of cheese, considering they want perfect students that volunteer at church, and display GREAT leadership qualities...yeah they can take a little cheese.

I haven't had the precious time to sit and type up a blog recently. I have been happily busy every weekend with J.S. Not to sound like other relationship obsessed young women, but I enjoy spending time with my boyfriend. School and the home life have been mediocre, just going through the motions and finishing essay after essay every week. Last week it was a definition essay in my composition class. I chose to define "group-think", which I have familiarity with from my  International Relations class. Everyone chose, what I felt were extremely difficult words like "friendship", "honor", and forgive whoever chose this one "beauty". I mean honestly, who the fuck can be that full of themselves to think that they could define a term like beauty without sounding cliché? My teacher told me that she thought mine was interesting, since she had never hear of it. I smell an A+! Now we're moving on to personals. Wish me good luck, because I am terrible. I have a tendency to sound incredibly pessimistic or even arrogant... I don't know why, I guess it just isn't my thing to write about myself. It's just hard for me to sound objective about myself, when all the details about my person are internal (well I guess it's like that for everyone).

I don't really want to gush about my new relationship, but this is a blog so here goes...I really REALLY like J.S. he is really great. The only real problem is that his friends aren't my friends. I don't know them AT ALL! The part that is even worst than that is the fact that they're not what one would call normal young people. They're really funny and quirky which is why I think it doesn't really bother me or J.S. but still...it still is awkward at lunch when I am completely out of it and the conversation. Most of the time the conversation is about Rock Band or some other game that I have absolutely NO IDEA ABOUT, have never played, let alone have space to criticize which is what they usually do. I have actually played Rock Band, it's kinda fun, but forgive me J.S. I don't really see the point in playing a plastic guitar for little electronic stars. But on top of that his friends are incredibly funny to watch and they seem to be okay with our whole interracial couple deal...now if they weren't I don't know...Never mind that shit..which it is just new relationship gibberish that FUCKS WITH ONE'S MIND...I refuse to let it get to me. J.S. and I are incredible when we're together, which at the end seems to matter the most to both me and him.

In my International Relations class, a hand-full of students that my prof selected are going to the University of Chicago to a sit in at the model UN thing, he asked me but I told him I couldn't. Other things got in the way but also the thought of going four or five days without a cigarette crammed in a room with a bunch of conservative REPUBLICAN girls freaked me out. Anyway, so everyday since my prof has been running around getting things ready... the students writing papers and stuff. So, today class begins and he says to them that their papers lacked "concrete facts and statistics" he finished by saying that the "rhetoric was nice though". Me and J.S. were talking thinking it didn't matter to us, since we weren't going, but then my prof says that he's going to assign us(the people that aren't going to Chicago) to one of them to help them find more facts and get ready. ????? My first thought was I have to help these people who DECIDED to go to Chicago find facts about something I don't even know about because they fucked up their papers? I mean, if they chose to go, then it's their responsibility to do the work that goes along with it, hell that's half the reason I declined. The prof then goes to say that whatever grade they get, we get, so now it's a must. He ended up letting us pick, so at least I got something remotely interesting. Ours is Uzbekistan as a landlocked country, which causes them to be economically handicapped because they have no ports or waterways to oceans where the international trade market is. It isn't so bad. But still the principle...

Salut, so I returned back to class today. Honestly it wasn't so bad. Besides the fact that my adv. comp. professor over-uses "um...", we have a new cafeteria where we RECYCLE!!! Yes, finally I've been pushing for this, and I guess they realized how "progressive" it would make our school. The down-side to this is that I already overheard earth-ignorant students say the recycling can was too far from the regular trash cans, what the fuck? Honestly, I can't fathom some people's thinking. If I could create some kind of machine that literally picks stupid people from the face of the earth...I would copyright that shit and use it every fucking day!